Mood:
caffeinatedTopic: Rant
This is a little Nozish rant about an article I read which categorically proved to me that men are obviously NOT involved in setting “society's standards of beauty” anymore. It is the sole domain of the insane to set images of beauty. When I was a kid, a size 6 (US size six is like a UK size 8?) was “perfect” apparently now it?s half that. I?ve had woman talk to my face about the pressure that the world puts on them to be thinner than thin, and have had my share of friends and acquaintances that?ve gone to extreme measures to measure up. This was a bit traumatic. From my own aesthetic point of view, the exposure of bone structures usually denied a public viewing apparent on many a top model give me a discomfort - if not make me spasm and retch - like a police tazer to the perineum.
That said, I have an admittedly narrow top threshold as well... However, all of the woman mentioned below are well within their carrying capacity as far as even I am concerned.
Many of you will know my hate-love-hate relationship with a little snot-rag of a tabloid travesty called “Heat”. It?s the periodical responsible for distributing hard-hitting articles such as “Celebrity Sneezes” - a full-size photo spread of about 6 pages of celebrities about to, just having, or in the process of, sneezing; and “Stars Bundle Up” - a similar pictorial smorgasbord showcasing the bold and the beautiful in hats and scarves. Nothing particularly high-fashion was featured, and no designers were named, it was just a rare peek at Ben Affleck and his ilk wearing toques and gloves. Fascinating stuff. I couldn?t put (or keep) either article down. Riveting.
I?ve got the November issue handy, and one of the cover stories is called “We Love Our Curvy Bodies: Stars Tell Us Why”. The premise being that “imperfect” celebrities with non-Hollywood-standard, “rounder” bodies give regular gals some insight into how they cope in such a high-pressure environment. How do they deal with having bodies that don?t measure up to what “society” deems to be ideal? A big issue for Heat to tackle. Let?s see how they handled it.
So, Grrrls, who are the spokeswomen? Who are the proud, plus-sizers? Who are the attainable beauties, that offer hope outside the ridiculous super-woman images that the evil, chauvinistic, patriarchal, demanding, glass-ceiling installing, unrealistic boyfriends insist that you torture and surgically alter yourselves to become? Who is there to show them they should be satisfied, and love you as you are? Who are the sisters in the struggle?
Let?s run down the list of some of the curvy gals, shall we:
Rachel Stevens - “I think it?s great that curvy girls like myself, Beyoncé, and Jennifer Lopez can be role models for young girls. I saw Beyoncé in concert not too long ago, and I just find it so inspiring to see her shake her ass even though she?s not the tiniest girl in the world.”
Wait for it...
And… now, you may now return your jaws to the fully upright positions.
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Salma Hayek - “I refuse to become part of this perfect body syndrome. I like my body. It looks good on screen, and not because it?s perfect. ... One guy I dated said, ‘You?re beautiful, but you?re soft.?... I?m against living your life around the concept of having a perfect body.”
Wow. Thank god that normal-shaped gals like Salma are around speaking up for everyone else, eh? 90% of the men I know would have probably made that same comment about Ms. Hayek. I?d guess most would say she?s not “kick-out-of-bed” porkie, but that she?s really got to watch it. But hey, guys are jerks. God knows men don?t like a woman?s body unless they can play her ribcage like a hammer dulcimer. Guys are all bile-gargling, diarrhoea-spitting monsters who won?t give an imperfect girl like Salma Hayek a break in life. “I like my body”; Hey, at least someone does, Softie. Most guys wouldn?t take you out of the house in case their friends caught sight of them.
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Beyoncé - “If you?re smaller, that?s great – small is beautiful too – but I think if you?ve got some curves, there?s nothing wrong with that. I don?t like to see girls trying to starve themselves so they can be what society says is beautiful.”
Proof: Beyoncé is an inspiring role model for young girls. Yes, my expanding young feminists, the noose isn?t your only option. If you can?t be really thin and sexy like Victoria Beckham, Paris Hilton or that archetype of famine sexuality, sorry feminine sexuality, Kate Moss, you can always settle at the half-measure of Beyoncé and know you haven?t let yourself go completely to hell. Phew. I can feel the relief coming through from y?all across the internet.
Beyoncé, you go, Grrl! Fight the power! You?re Gravy in Love, child!
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Kelly Brook - “I?m different in Hollywood because I?m not one of those skinny girls. I refuse to get like that. ...Halle Berrry?s got a very sexy body - she's so womanly. And Beyoncé, too”
Great to hear you?re taking a stand, Love. I hope this article got shoved in front of Ms. Berry in time for her to get her head from the oven and shut off the gas. Also nice that it?s not just Ms. Stevens cutting Beyoncé some slack. Throw the poor thing a low-cal tofu bone!
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Others in on the Dessert Trolley to Curve Town that I thought were particularly rich:
Scarlett Johansson - “I?m never going to look at a picture of Uma Thurman and think I could have her body”
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Jennier Lopez - “I?m not a tall, thin, size-three actress, which is good. I think that?s a positive message.”
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There were three others of whom I?ve never heard. Some even looked noticeably larger than the XXL Scarlett Johansson! Overall, the article did deliver J-Lo?s positive message: there are alternatives besides self-immolation for those who, like her, are unable to fit their round pegs into society?s square holes. If you?re only as attractive as this humble crew of frumps, then you too can have self-respect, a career, vote, use public washrooms and do all manner of other things we once thought reserved only for “the beautiful people”.
Take two steps back from the window-ledge all you depressive Halle-Berries! Yes, maybe most men would take some sinew and gristle stretched across a wire coat hanger rather than you, but thanks to these plump celebrities and Heat?s relentless attack on body fascism, we can all feel more comfortable in ourselves and in the knowledge we live in a more accepting, level-headed world.
