Mood:
sharp10:56 25/03/2005
Ok. I'm going to indulge in a little self-mockery. A few of these only make sense if you know the labels involved, but it's my blog, so screw you.
Most people know I'm basically on the cast of Will and Grace when it comes to fashion. ("Honey, I thought we'd talked about that suit.") Like Jack, I talk the talk and usually walk the walk, but catch me on a lazy Tuesday and I might be wearing a chic ensemble of potato sack with kleenex boxes on my feet.
Nevertheless, I've been called Zoolander and been hard pressed to argue. Things like lack of attention to necklines or accessories, running shoes (trainers) with dress pants, or jogging pants on a weekday scrape at my eyes like salty nail files. Cotton-poly blends, and sports-trademark clothes (worn without jest) wound me to my very soul. I wear Zara, but I'm slightly embrassed about it. I forgive myself because their price+build quality combo basically makes them disposable clothing. One of my Friends (of Dorothy) once said, "Who wants clothes to last more than a year anyway?"
A solid point.
Still, the world of designer fashion - like most other old institutions - needs a perodic battering.
I'm moved to take action because:
- I recently moved to central London
- February is "sale season" in Paris, and I was staying just off the Champs-Elysees. Thank Fahri I'm saving up for my Canada trip, or the friction would've melted my credit card...
- Even one weekend in Geneva always makes one label-concious. That city makes you feel bad for not driving a Ferrari and carrying a vertu
- Dare I count Amsterdam as a fashion hub? Last month's KLM in-flight Magazine was a fashion-focus, and this month's did a spread on Amsterdam's little pocket of boutiques.
Below is a list of "Nozzed" taglines for a few of the labels I love (or love to hate). I think taglines are supposed to answer the question "Why should I buy your product?" so I went for a L'Oreal Paris "Because you're worth it!" motif. Most of these lables don't actually have taglines, because, does anyone need a reason to buy Armani? No. What a stupid question!
I love the irony of doing this while wearing a Dior shirt...
Fashionasties:
- Dior - Not always that dull
- Salvatore Ferragamo - My name is more interesting than my clothes
- Yves Saint Laurent - Skin-tight and pink isn't just for ladies
- Yves Saint Laurent Rive Gauche - Indiana Jones: the Jungle Queen
- Hugo Boss - Meh...we don't know either...
- Gucci - You have just too much money
- Dolce & Gabana - You're gay
- Valentino - These clothes will get you blown
- Chanel - Hey, maybe this cut will come back in someday!
- Armani - Put the plebs in their place
- Kenzo - Not really so expensive, it's the import taxes! Tokyo's FAR, Dude!
- Louis Vuitton (Women's) - You'll show that bitch
- Louis Vuitton (Men's) - Your Sugar-Momma dresses you
- Burberry - Approachability's overrated
- Roberto Cavalli - You might need to go to Mardi Gras someday...
- Diesel - Taking out a loan to buy casual-wear is totally reasonable
- Lacoste - Because her Daddy's cuter than she is (and he signs off the trust fund anyway...)
- Calvin Klein (or Guess) - Hey! Fuck you! We deserve to be in this magazine just as much as Diesel or D&G! Elitest cunts... eat our shit, Fuck-sore!
- Prada - Hello, like, we're Prada? DUH!
- Jean-Paul Gautier - Deep down, you're a French homosexual too
- Nicole Fahri - It's not that itchy, you wuss! I blended in some cashmere!
- Ralph Lauren - Hey, basic is good. We're more interesting than Dior!
As always - response posting's invited: how to post
